Take It All
by SpyKid18
Summary: He went to every one of her shows but she never knew it.  He sat alone in the back, watching the one that got away.  ST BERRY one-shot


**A/N: New St Berry story! Ugh, I am liking this season but sorely missing Jesse St James. He was just so fun to watch. Anyhoo, this is how I get over his absence. Hopefully it will help you a bit, too :D**

Take It All

He never told her, but he went to all of her shows. Since her breakout role in a small show that went on to sweep the Tonys, he had allowed himself to blend into the growing crowds and watched the show alone in the back row, feeling the same pull at the back of his navel when she first appeared on stage. It was just like the first time when she had burst into his life with _Don't Rain On My Parade_.

After that show she had gone on to play Maureen in the revival of _Rent_ and he watched from that same seat in the back, enjoying the fit of her leather pants perhaps a bit too much. Then the next show, _Funny Girl_, he watched her finally play her dream role of Fanny Brice and while he never told this to her, he thought she did a better job than Barbra, herself.

Her current show was _Nine_. She was cast as Luisa, Guido Contini's wife who was doomed to lose her husband to the allure and romance of inspiration. She had stopped inspiring her husband. Rachel had never stopped inspiring Jesse. He, himself, had gone on to have the Broadway stage dropped into his ready palms and she was with him in every performance. Every song, every movement, was for her because in the end, that was what he had given her up for.

The demure Luisa seemed almost too tame of a role for Rachel after her roles in previous shows. She had been stamped as the provocative performer-ironic considering her almost comical lack of sexual awareness in high school-but he noted that her Luisa was not the anemic wife he had seen in previous productions. Luisa was a desirable if not tame wife with sexuality blooming just beneath the surface. Her movements were not as sensual as those of Guido's mistress but it was not hard to imagine why Guido had married her.

All through the play though, that simmering sensuality was leading toward its final vibrant explosion. He admittedly was looking forward to it. It marked the final development of the character as well as a turning point in her relationship with Guido. It was dynamic. It was pivotal.

It was here.

Jesse's mouth went dry as Rachel sauntered out onto the stage, wearing a heavily bedazzled corset and fishnet stockings. The corset cinched in her waist, giving her an hourglass figure that he had not seen on her before. Her hands found the small indentation of her waist and those hips swished from side to side as she set her eyes on her Guido.

_You want my love_

_Take it all_

_You want to watch it all come off_

_Take it all_

_Come on now_

_Show me how_

_You take it all_

Even from the back of the theater he could see her eyes blaze and she shook her dark hair seductively as she approached one of the men beside her make-shift stage and her fingers danced over his chest. Jesse's fingers grasped the chair's armrests.

_You want my glove_

_Are you enthralled?_

_You want to see it slip away _

_And watch it fall_

With the drop of her glove Jesse St James came undone.

_Oh we know_

_It's your show_

_So take it all_

She moved forward and his eyes followed her hungrily.

_You want the movement too_

_See what the hips can do_

_Come watch the slinky girl_

_See how the pasties twirl_

_To make your bells all ring_

_Fulfilling everything you ever wanted_

Everything he had ever wanted was up on that stage and it took everything in him not to march up to that stage and claim it. She was exquisite, an absolute gem, and he began to consider paying her a visit afterward.

_So go ahead_

_Take it all_

_You want my soul_

_Take it all_

_It's time to leave_

_If I'm to live_

_Because I have no more_

_There's nothing left to give_

He caught something in her tone, a slight inflection that made him wonder if he was as much with her on stage as she was always with him. He leaned forward as she finished.

_I watch your rise_

_I watch your fall_

_While I am standing with my back _

_Against the wall_

_Now it's your turn_

_To finally learn_

Her face was a hard mask of emotion, all sensuality rid of her body as she descended on Guido, her voice jarringly raw and harsh.

_You had the world_

_You had your fling_

_You wanted more than everything_

_You got your wish_

_You got your prize_

_Now take it right between your thighs_

_You grabbed for everything my friends_

_But don't you see that in the end_

_There will be nothing_

_Left of me!_

The corset was ripped off and she stood in only torn lingerie, her face revealing every emotion that was in her, every feeling, every disappointment. He had the acute feeling that he was not seeing the pain of Luisa Contini, but instead Rachel Berry. The lights went down and his mind was made.

He would see her.

ST BERRY-ST BERRY-ST BERRY

He waited at her stage door, just like everyone else. He had considered going straight to her dressing room. He figured that he would be able to get backstage but the odds of her talking to him were greater if he didn't charm his way in. He wouldn't use his clout and name to get to her. Instead he would act like everyone else and wait outside her stagedoor, figuring she would sign his playbill if nothing else.

All around him fans talked glowingly of her performance and he felt a misplaced sense of pride. His girl had really done it. She had taken the Broadway stage by storm and was holding it close. It was more than he could say. His last show had been a bust.

Jesse St James in a failed Broadway show.

Even with the words only in his mind, it made him cringe. The doors opened and all of his attention was thrown to the people leaving. He saw several of Guido's muses exit and then there was Guido himself, his Luisa at his side.

He didn't call out to her but it turned out that he didn't need to. The moment she stepped out her eyes found his and she actually stopped walking, a castmate ramming into her and complaining, "People behind you, Rachel."

She pulled her eyes away from him and moved forward, signing a playbills and taking pictures with what he knew was a staged grin. She did the proper greeting and coddling. Finally she approached him and her face was guarded as she said, "Well, this is a surprise."

"The show was wonderful, Rachel."

"Thank you."

"The best Louisa Contini that I have seen."

She smiled slightly. "I didn't know you were coming."

"I figured you wouldn't have my number," he told her.

"Oh, right."

"I assume you deleted it?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"The same day you left."

"Rachel, I really am sorry for what I did to you."

"Water under the bridge," she said with a tight smile. "That was a long time ago."

"Yeah, it was." He couldn't believe how fast time had passed. It seemed like just yesterday they were kids in high school. "So, no hard feelings?"

"No," she told him. "No hard feelings."

"I was wondering if you'd like to grab a cup of coffee or something. Catch up?"

He knew before he was done speaking that she would turn him down. She had begun to gnaw on her bottom lip, something she always did when she was nervous, and then she said, "I actually can't. The cast is all going out for drinks and-"

"Oh, I should have figured you all would be celebrating. That, um, makes sense."

"Yeah."

"Well, it was nice seeing you," he said. "You really were wonderful."

He didn't know whether to go in for a hug and he saw that she was debating the same thing, her body moving forward slightly. He figured the worst thing to happen if he hugged her was she would push him away and he decided this was not too bad of a worst-case-scenario so he moved forward and felt relief as she mirrored his actions.

She still fit comfortably in his arms and the moment she was in them felt like an eternity. He pulled away first, not wanting to seem like he was taking advantage of her, and he said gave her a little wave and turned to leave. Her voice was like a bell behind him and he turned as she said, "You can come with if you want."

"To drinks?"

She nodded. "Yeah, they wouldn't mind."

"Would you?" he asked after a moment.

She smiled softly. "I'm the one who just invited you, aren't I?"

"Okay," he said, thinking to himself that coming to see her was the best decision he had ever made. She gestured for him to follow them and they made their way to the subway. She introduced him to everyone and when they sat down, Guido took the seat next to her and it occurred to Jesse that Rachel might be taken. She turned to Guido and gave him a smile. Jesse's stomach turned. But then she looked to Jesse and gave him a reassuring smile. She stood up and went over to him, grabbing onto the pole to keep from stumbling as the subway lurched to its next stop.

"This is weird," she admitted, her eyes studying his face. "You here. Me. All of it, it's just weird."

"The drinks might help with that," he joked.

She nodded. "I'm really happy to see you again. I've been thinking about you lately."

"Really?"

"Yeah, um…" she looked down, her cheeks flushing.

"What is it?"

She looked up at him. "I'm sort of embarrassed to say why I started thinking about you again."

He felt a warm glow inside of him and said, "Don't be."

"I saw an article about your show," she said sheepishly and the warm glow went out just like that. So, she knew about the show. That show, the one that had nearly ruined his career and credibility. He figured it wasn't too surprising that she had heard about it. She was in that world, after all. He had found after his first show that the Broadway world was very small. Everyone knew everyone and all of their business.

"I didn't think it was that bad," she offered.

"You saw it?"

She blushed, looking down at her shoes. "Yes, I did. I, um, I've actually seen all of your shows."

"You have?" His mind spun as the reality struck him that she had been doing the exact same thing that he had been for the past year.

"I never went backstage or anything because, to be honest, I was still pretty pissed at you and-"

"Rachel, I have a confession to make," Jesse interrupted, smiling at her babbling. Her eyes grew slightly wider as she said, "Oh God, please don't say you're gay."

He laughed. "No, that is not what I'm going to say."

Her eyes grew wider. "Oh, wow, um…yeah, I shouldn't have said that. Go on."

"I've been to all of your shows, too."

The subway pulled up to its next stop and she jerked forward, coming even closer to him. "You have? Really?"

"Yeah, I have. Your Fanny Brice was amazing, by the way. You were better than Barbra."

"No," she gasped, laughing lightly. "That is blasphemy, Jesse."

"Well, it's true."

"How come you never came back to see me?"

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me," he said. "And gauging from what you said, I would have been right."

They finally got to their stop and the doors opened directly behind them. They all piled out, Guido falling into line beside Rachel and saying, "Never short on men, are you Rachel?"

She shook her head with a smile and told Jesse, "The past few nights a bunch of my New Directions friend came to see me. Finn one night. Then Puck. And Kurt. I'm quite popular."

Jesse grinned. "I can see that."

"We're here!" she said excitedly. Her Guido opened the door and she walked in, striding up to the bar and ordering a pitcher of beer. Jesse took his spot beside her and said, "I wouldn't have pegged you as a beer drinker."

"And I wouldn't have pegged you as a lurker."

He laughed. "That is very true."

The bartender handed her the beer and she pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket and handed it to him. Jesse gave her a strange look and she explained, "From our director. We have tomorrow off and he told me to get everyone thoroughly trashed."

Jesse laughed. "I love directors."

"Me too." The cast took glasses and filled them up. Jesse watched them all talk and laugh, thinking that Rachel looked right at home with them. It seemed her awkwardness in high school had been chased away and he clearly saw that she was the favorite of the cast.

He didn't fit in, though. The cast was not particularly welcoming and while he had accrued the knowledge that Rachel and Guido were not dating he saw from the guy's hooded glances that he wanted otherwise.

"Rachel," he said, pulling at her wrist to talk to her away from the boisterous crowd. "I think I'm going to head out. Take my number so that-"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "You need to stay."

"I think the cast wants this to just be a cast thing, you know?"

"Well, I'm a part of the cast and I want you to stay." She took his hand and he felt his stomach drop. "Stay, okay?"

He didn't have to think before nodding and following her back to the group. She hadn't let go of his hand but dropped it when she reached for the pitcher, pouring them both a tall glass. She held up her drink and announced, "A toast!"

There was a general hum of agreement among her cast and she said, "To another great season!" They all cheered and she turned her attention to Jesse and said in a softer voice, "To old friends."

Their glasses clanked together as he repeated, "To old friends."

ST BERRY-ST BERRY-ST BERRY

Both of them were pleasantly buzzed as they left the bar. Rachel stumbled in her heels and Jesse watched Guido wind an arm around her waist.

"Easy there," Guido said with a smile. "You sure you can make it home on your own?"

"It's a five minute walk," she told him. "I'll be fine."

"I don't know if you should go on your own."

"He's right," Jesse interjected. "I'll take you home."

Jesse knew he had ruined Guido's plan but he really didn't care. He would have five more minutes with Rachel Berry and that was all that mattered. Rachel's eyes lit up at the proposition and she said, "Alrighty then, let's get walking."

Despite her first small tumble Rachel had no trouble walking back to her apartment and they held a remarkably coherent conversation considering the several pitchers of beers they had all consumed.

"I still can't believe you came to all of my shows," she said, giving him a side long glance.

"You came to mine, too."

She smiled. "Yeah, I did. I missed you," she admitted. "I was hurt by what you had done and I really was pissed but none of that stopped me from missing you. We were perfect for each other."

He thought wistfully of their missed chance at happiness together. "Yeah, we were."

They didn't say anything else until they got to their apartment. She turned toward him and without any lead-up said, "Come with me."

"What?"

"I want you to come up to my apartment."

"Rachel-" she cut him off with her mouth over his and the second her tongue slid against his bottom lip his decision was made. He broke off the kiss and said, "Lead the way."

ST BERRY-ST BERRY-ST BERRY

Her body was a mystery to him and as they lay in her bed, their clothes in a disheveled heap on the ground, he took the proper time to study her fully. He ran his hand down her waist, following the curve of her hips and the tapering silhouette of her thigh. His hand moved back up, finding its way to her breasts and he ran the tip of his thumb over the pink nipple, fascinated by how it puckered and firmed. Rachel watched him with the haze of alcohol and exhaustion tugging down at her eyelids. She was amused by his utter fascination with her body and by the fact that the one thing she had vowed would never happen ultimately did.

Jesse St James was in her bed.

"We can add this to the growing list things we do well together," she said, draping her body over his and resting her head on his chest.

"We were pretty spectacular."

"I like you here," she said softly.

"I share your sentiments," he said, a trace of humor in his voice. He pressed a kiss onto the top of her head. "Mind if we sleep a bit? You have tired me out, Ms. Berry."

She chuckled, turning her head up to briefly nuzzle his neck. "Yes, I believe we can do that."

He reached up to turn off the light and then wrapped his arm around her. The room had grown chilly and she snuggled up against him. Her body's warmth was the best blanket he'd ever had.

ST BERRY-ST BERRY-ST BERRY

He woke up to an empty bed and splitting head ache. The only thing that pulled him from the bed was the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the very strong possibility of Rachel Berry accompanying it. He was worried about what had happened the night before but he knew that what he had felt was real. They hadn't drunkenly hooked up, it was more that liquid courage led them to do what they should have done a long time ago.

He padded into the kitchen and found Rachel at the table, flipping through an issue of Entertainment Weekly. She looked up and he saw the same indecision in her eyes. Without a word he sat opposite her and reached for her hand. She pulled away suddenly and asked, "Do you want coffee?"

"Um, sure."

She hopped up from her chair and went to pouring him a cup. He could see that her hands were trembling and when she returned she nervously said, "So, about last night. It, um, it was a mistake?"

He could tell from her inflection that she wasn't entirely sure and he knew that if there was ever a moment to step up and be a man, this was it. "Rachel, I don't want it to be a mistake."

She looked surprised. "You don't?"

"No, I don't. I want it to be a beginning. I've missed you too, you know."

"You have?"

"Yeah, I have. I want to be a part of your life again." He gauged her reaction and added, "If that's okay if you."

She smiled and asked him, "What do you want for breakfast?"

Still without a concrete answer, he felt breakfast was a bit of a trite thing to discuss and he stammered, "Breakfast?"

"Yeah, you're probably hungry."

"Um, cereal is fine."

"Okay," she chirped, moving away from him to grab the lone box of cereal off the counter. He watched her pour him a bowl and she asked over her shoulder, "Is soy milk okay?"

"Yeah, Rachel, did you even hear what I said?"

"Of course, I did." She returned with the cereal and plopped herself onto his lap. She kissed him softly and murmured, "You should know Jesse, I don't make breakfast for just anyone." She kissed him. "This is our during."

He chuckled, wondering how in the world he had actually gotten himself this enchanting creature on his lap. "Our during?"

"We had our beginning," she explained with a grin. "And now this is our during. See? Beginning. Then during-"

He kissed her fully on the mouth, wrapping his arms tight around her. He pulled away, his forehead resting on hers, and asked, "Does this mean I get to come to your dressing room now?"

"Yes," she told him.

"Perhaps have some more _beginnings_ in there," he said with a smirk.

Her eyes lit up and she purred, "I think you're on to something there, Jesse."

**A/N: Thoughts? I think the song kind of fit their relationship in the show perfectly. And then I fixed it and made it happy :D PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK!**


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